feet of clay

'prone to wonder, Lord i feel it... prone to leave the God I love. here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy throne above' [excerpt from one of my favorite hymns 'come thou fount of every blessing']

here's a little authenticity and transparency for you... one of my biggest [actually, i'd bet it is THE biggest] recurring weakness of mine... is my temper. and unfortunately, it shows it's nasty head to those closest to me... my family, and worse... my soon to be husband!

-shameful-

conflict doesn't build character... it reveals it!

since i feel i am pretty self-aware, i have pondered the core of what it is that makes my temper flare the way it does at times. from a secular-type wisdom, i can come to the conclusion that the main issue stems from pride... pride in the fact that i have specific expectations - and when they aren't met, people know. sounds pretty logical.. right?

if i delve deeper into it, in fact... if i search the Bible and see what it says regarding temper, i become enlightened!

first thing's first

you have to go to the foundation of it... how am i, as a woman, made and what are my tendencies?
in Genesis 3:16, [after adam and eve sinned], God indicts and convicts both adam and eve, giving them sentences that will affect all the men and women in the following generations. to eve, God says 'and though you will have a desire for your husband, he will rule over you'... the words desire for in this passage actually translates more so to 'control'... some translations actually state the verse this way 'and you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you'.

alright... so at this point i begin to realize that this problem is foundational.. it literally is a CURSE! i have a desire to control, which leads to having expectations, which lead to the possibility of those expectations not being met... which opens the door for my temper to shine. [no good charlie brown].

typically i am able to combat my frustrations if i actually take the two seconds to realize this fact, and release the grips on the reigns for a little bit. but when i fail to do this, my temper shows. and if im not quick to pick up on this, it's possible that it will be hours [yes... hours] of lashing out on my nearest victim.

*disclaimer: okay, im kinda making myself out to be one of those fire-breathing dragons you hear about in fairy-tales, but i assure you that i am not always like this... the scenarios i'm giving are when im at my absolute worst. and the following is what i do to debrief and try and make sure it doesn't happen again...

seek wisdom and insight

after i 'blow-up' at someone over something so trivial and minute [something i most assuredly wouldn't sacrifice a relationship over], i run through these bible verses to help reiterate the importance of self-control/forgiveness/grace... after all, i have been given much more grace than i could EVER make up for, so who am i to be so unforgiving and hot-tempered when i feel wronged?

'love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.' proverbs 17:9

               controlling your tongue
               proverbs 4:24 'avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech'
               proverbs 10:19 'too much talk leads to sin. be sensible and keep your mouth shut.'
               proverbs 15:28 'the heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the
                                      wicked overflows with evil words.'
               proverbs 16:32 'better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer
                                     a city.'
               proverbs 18:21 'the tongue can bring death and life; those who love to talk will reap with the
                                     consequences.'
               proverbs 20:3 'avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.'
               proverbs 21:23 'watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of
                                      trouble.'
               proverbs 26:20 'fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.'

               tempers flare
               psalms 4:4 'don't sin by letting anger control you. think about it overnight and remain silent.'
               proverbs 12:16 'a fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.'
               proverbs 13:3 'those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can    
                                    ruin everything.'
               proverbs 14:17 'short-tempered people do foolish thing, and schemers are hated.'
               proverbs 14:29 'people with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great
                                     foolishness.'
               proverbs 15:1 'a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.'
               proverbs 15:18 'a hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.'
               proverbs 17:27 'a truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-
                                      tempered.'
               proverbs 18:13: 'spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.'
               proverbs 19:11 'sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking
                                      wrongs.'
               proverbs 21:9 'it's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife
                                    in a lovely home.'
               proverbs 21:19 'it's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining
                                      wife.'
               proverbs 22:24&25 'don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or
                                     you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.'
               proverbs 25:24 'it's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife
                                     in a lovely home.' [the fact that this is repeated... over... and over... kinda
                                     makes me think i'm not the only one who struggles with this ;) ]
               proverbs 26:21 'a quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or
                                     fire lights wood.'
               proverbs 27:15&16 'a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.
                                            stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold
                                            something with greased hands.'
               proverbs 29:11 'fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.'
               proverbs 29:22 'an angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of
                                      sin.'
               ecclesiastes 7:9 'control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.'

not easily overcome

i don't know if you are as discouraged as i am about seeing how much the bible actually does talk out against fools like me who are hot-tempered at times :(
hmm... where is there hope?! when i end up face to face with this weakness [mostly after i have failed to utilize my internal 'filter'] i am so humiliated before my God. honestly, who am i to act so haughty that i speak condescendingly to those around me [who, in all truthfulness, are much more wise than i for having control over their tongues?!] oh i frustrate myself to the fullest sometimes... and it's at these times... [you know... where you're so disgusted you can't even bring yourself to look up when in front of a mirror].. yes, it's at these times that i fall flat on my face in front of God's throne and weep.

and if you ever want a renewal of your soul... that's exactly where you should be.

'may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer' psalm 19:14 

random thought

with the wedding now less than 6 months away, i'm feeling a little bit like i should be doing something in order to prepare. my theory on this is that we did so much when we first got engaged that now theres not much to do for another couple months. in the mean-time... feeling a little unproductive.

upcoming wedding to-dos:

• engagement photos  - photog just had a baby, so will get this done sometime this month [fingers crossed]
• save the dates - executive decision says NOPE! ha, breaking free from the rest of society on this and saving the pretty penny and just sending out invites in late december/early november
• finalize the guestlist - this is SO hard! i have a list, but it keeps growing, may have to have an open ceremony and a closed reception... :( will see how this pans out
• wedding website - almost done with this.. love the fact that we chose to have one so that people can RSVP online and what not [saves us about $150 on stamps.. LOVE]
• premarital counseling - cody and i are super stoked about this, we start in november with the pastor of our church, whom we revere as being wise in authority that has been given to him by God

thats all that i really have energy to have on my plate right now - but im always keeping my eye open for decor and other odds and ends. 

with wedding updates aside, there are a few new things happening in the life of the future mr. & mrs... as far as my life, at work, i am going to be being trained later this month on level 2 nursery. those are babies too ill to be on the floor but too well to be in NICU. so we'll see how i like it! i foresee it being a challenge, but hopefully a challenge i will become equipped to take on.

cody's work life is a little unsettling right now, in the past 2 weeks they fired [yes fired, not laid off] 30-40 people as part of a down-sizing plan... so he said it feels like hes walking on egg shells, and no one likes that :/ so prayers for security in his position at this job, or for God to open another door would be appreciated.

on a much more uplifting note, cody just got back from the trip of his life! he was in alaska for 2 weeks with his father. honestly, the pictures he took were breathtaking, i can't imagine seeing it in real life. he can't wait to take me ;)

speaking of trips, i recently went to haiti for a relief mission trip. it was refreshing for me, however, i probably wouldn't go on a 1 week mission trip again. personally, it isnt long enough to really dive into someone else's life and bring Christ with you.

with traveling on the mind, i do have to say that i am absolutely ecstatic about going to israel for our honeymoon. i believe that it will be a life-changing trip. not only will i be sharing it with my new husband and best friend... but it will be something that i know will speak volumes to my soul. <3

back on the homefront, my friend sheila and i started a women's small group study on the book 'crazy love' by francis chan. it seems to be a pretty good read thus far and the fellowship has been much needed. <3

another good book that cody and i actually just started to read is 'love & respect'. i would recommend this book to anyone single, engaged, married, divorced... anyone who has any relationships with someone of the opposite sex... it really helps nail down the differences between men and women. how they think, act and react. great for improving communication and resolving conflict.

as much i have left to say, this is where my ramblings end for the night. sometimes it's almost medicinally soothing to just write. i should do it more often ;)

the glory of suffering

"why do bad things happen to good people..."

the common belief
we've all heard this before:

'since i [fill in with some good/nice/thoughtful deed], why did [fill in  with a terrible circumstance] happen to me? if there is a God, why would He ever let something so bad happen to me when i do good to others?'

 'im not going to believe in a God that let me go through [blank]'

'if God really wants me to believe in Him, He would have to take all the suffering/death/sickness/poverty/hunger out of the world'

this way of thinking is damning... i really have no idea where people get the notion that our God exists only to bring us happiness/fortune and a stress free life full of nothing but blessings.

if Christ had to suffer, how do we have the audacity to think that we don't have to

i hate to bring this to light, but it needs to be - sometimes people get these absolutely nonsensical ideologies from the church. for example, there is something out there called 'word of faith' or the 'prosperity gospel' also known as the 'health and wealth gospel'.

the prosperity gospel 


basically, the foundation for such a belief is that anyone who is right with God will have money and never be sick, and if you so happen to be poor or ill, that must mean that you are not a true believer.

lest i point out these verses:
'again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.' - matthew 19:24

'Jesus answered, 'if you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. then come, follow Me.' - matthew 19:21

'no one can serve two masters. either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. you cannot serve both God and money.' - matthew 6:24

i had first heard of such beliefs while i was in africa summer of 2011 and was shown a sermon of justin peter's called 'a call for discernment'. you can watch the incredibly enlightening sermon here.




“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.” (Romans 16:17-18)


tickling of the ears


there's a song that is being played on a few Christian radio stations that's called 'He said' [you can listen to it here] but the message of it is that no matter what hard thing you are going through, God knows your limits and won't give you anything that will break those limits.

the chorus goes something like this :

"...remember what He said- 'I won't give you more, more than you can take, I might let you bend, but I won't let you break'..."

..and as positive and uplifting as that sounds, you will not find anywhere in the Bible where God says He won't give you more than you can handle as it refers to trials and tribulations. in contrast you will find that we are to be the clay in His hands and often we pray for Him to break us in order to make us who we ought to be in order to bring Him glory.

the passage that is all too often misquoted is 1 Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

what we should get from this when we read it is that we will never be tempted beyond our ability, not that we wouldn't ever be tried beyond our capabilities.

When Paul writes that God will not tempt us beyond our ability, he means that we will never be in a situation where we have no other choice but to sin.

this is entirely separate from the issue of trials... where God WANTS us to break - bc this is when we come to the realization that we are vulnerable and in need of Him. 

through our trials is how we figure out if God is our portion - if without anything/anyone else, He is enough. this is when, if we choose to worship Him, we are glorifying Him.

the truth
if you are a follower of Christ... YOU WILL SUFFER.  and the reason you will suffer is this... to bring glory to God.


what we, as humans want:

•  to bring glory to God ['so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.'  - 1 corinthians 10:31]

how we do it:

•  by worshiping Him

what satan wants:

•  to decrease our worship to God

how he does it:

• by trying us with temptations/suffering [since at those times we are LEAST LIKELY to worship God]

what God wants:

• FAITHFUL/AUTHENTIC followers, no matter your circumstance  [give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' - 1 thessalonians 5:18]

how He does it:

• By ALLOWING satan to bring on hard times in order to test our faith, ultimately leading us to seek Him

got it? the first thing we need to understand is this simple truth: behind our tribulation is satan, but behind satan is God - NOTHING gets to us without passing through the hands of God first.

we are to worship God for WHO He is, not WHAT He does.


weep, why, & worship 

'therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to His name.' - hebrews 13:15

i LOVE that this verse says to offer a 'sacrifice' of praise-  this tells us that sometimes when we offer praise, it hurts - yet we are to do so, continually.

now where can we see this manifest in the bible? the WHOLE BOOK of JOB!

lately at church, we've been in Job, it's quickly becoming one of my favorite books of the bible. it shows the omnipresence of God, the vulnerability of man and the dependence of satan on God for anything he does.

if you are at all familiar with the story of job, a few things should gain your attention - when satan is in the presence of God in Job 1, GOD points job out - almost as to offer that satan mess with him.

let's take a look at the dialect that occurs between God and satan in job 1:

'then the Lord asked satan, 'have you noticed my servant job? he is the finest man in all the earth. he is blameless - a man of complete integrity. he fears God and stays away  from evil' - job 1:8     

job's faith didn't keep him safe from suffering, it INSTIGATED it!

'satan replied to the Lord, 'yes, but job has good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. look how rich he is! but reach out and take away everything he has and he will surely curse to Your face!' - job 1:9-11

here, satan tries to say that job's faith is contingent on his possessions/money/health/blessings...

'all right, you may test him,' the Lord said to satan. 'do whatever you want with everything he possesses, but don't harm him physically.' so satan left the Lord's presence. - job 1:12

i won't drag you through the rest of the first chapter [you may read it at your leisure], however, it's imparative that i draw your attention to job's reaction, after satan leaves the presence of God, he is 'let loose' if you will, on job's life [minus his health - at this point, but later in chapter 1, God allows satan to attack his health as well]... in the 39 seconds [literally] that it takes for job to lose all his oxen, donkeys, farmhands, sheep, shepherds, camels, servants, sons and daughters... job's response was this:

'job stood up and tore his robe in grief. then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. he said 'i came naked from my mother's womb, and i will be naked when i leave. the Lord gave me what i had, and the Lord has taken it away. praise the name of the Lord!' - job 1:20-21

what we learn from this is that human nature prompts us to grieve when we take a loss... and it is even human nature that we ask 'why' - however, it is the mindset and willfullness of the devout follower of Christ to quickly transition to worhsip - IN ALL SITUATIONS.

therefore, the conclusion that i draw is this: the closer you are to God, the more vulnerable you are to suffering, NOT the closer you are to God, the less your suffering...

my experience

i can tell you first hand, i spent a lot of time growing in my relationship with God when i was in africa - the almost 3 months i spent over there drew me closer to Him than ever, the last week i was there, i got malaria as well as a nasty case of strep throat and when i got home, i was so entirely sold out to Him, that something else to try my faith was bound to happen.. within the 1st 24 hours back in the U.S., i was told that my position at my job was no longer available and my boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me. WITHIN THE FIRST 24 HOURS! ....so i got on my knees.

my challenge for you ... is to do the same. 

resources:
Justin Peter's Website 

surrender

recently cody and I had finished reading 'radical' by david platt. it had been a captivating read and at the very least... it was immensely convicting. I would recommend this book for any and all people at any stage in their faith.. but especially for those believers who get frustrated at how our society twists biblical truths into culturally acceptable traditions/rituals/habits/routines - by tickling the ears ['for the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires...' II Timothy 4:3].

initially, cody and I both had reservations about this book, cody's hesitation stemmed from his innate discernment as it pertains to his walk with Christ. my simple reserve was associated with the title.. 'radical' just sounded too.. uncomfortable. after reading the 1st few chapters, we collectively concluded that this book is a MUST READ. like I mentioned above.. the convictions in this book are so humbling that you have no choice but to take a look at how you are living [or dying] for Christ.

Order your copy of Radical HERE

an underground house meeting in asia - these people risk their lives to do this

Joel Osteen's rather large church in TX

one of the many convictions this book encapsulates is how we, as american believers, take for granted our freedom [as far as our faith is concerned - not to mention all the other freedoms we have in this country] we are utterly blessed that we aren't persecuted -comparably to any other country- as a Christian. and yet, not only do we take advantage of it, we grow to mock it... to twist it into some 'feel good', pick me up, hopeful crutch for all life's hardships. but what this book does is literally brings light to the REAL hardships that people across the nations go through just to read a few passages of God's word.

as these pictures try to convey... church in the good 'ol u.s. of a. has become quite the spectacle. a combination of light, sound and performance. i would bet that none of the people in attendance at mr. osteen's church in TX risked their life to be apart of the worship the morning this picture was taken... and what's more disturbing is the fact that this massive building would likely be empty if any of them had to!

now don't get me wrong.. i am a sold-out christian.. one who is willing and able to RISK IT ALL for Christ... and i know that there are others like me in this country. HOWEVER... that doesn't down play the fact that -unfortunately- the greater percentage of US churches are ever changing and upgrading to the latest fads in order to bring in the masses [even though when you talk about true discipleship.. Christ Himself only poured His life into a mere 12 men... not thousands] when will these leaders figure out that it's not about the number.. it's about the gospel. the true, hard, convicting, uneasy, wonderfully GREAT gospel.

David Wells, The Courage to Be Protestant:

The evangelical church, or at least a good slice of it, is nervous, twitchy, and touchy about consumer desire, ready to change in a nanosecond at the slightest hint that tastes and interests have changed.  Why?  Because consumer appetite reigns.  And consumer appetites are very much alive in what used to be called the pew.  Those who attend churches are now like any other customers you might meet in the mall.  Displease them in any way and they will take their business elsewhere (p. 36).

on that note... i have recently decided to withdraw my membership to a community church that i had been attending since the latter part of '09 [not bc it wasn't entertaining.. actually... it was TOO entertaining].  the things that accumulatively led to this decision were: the decrease in gospel teaching [more motivational, topical teaching], the candy-coating of our Holy God [will address below], and the seemingly lack of regard to member's concerns as it pertains to big church decisions. [we won't mention the disappointment i have felt, personally, with the ways the lead pastor decides to portray himself on social networking sites - people can see your choice of music when you decide to make it public.. and though I'm sure eminem is talented... his music is probably not the outlet Christ will use to speak to you - just wise counsel from your sister in Christ].

[the candy-coated God]:
the absolute MAIN reason for my looking elsewhere for a church home is my deep deep thirst for gospel teaching... everything Christ. i want it. so in the meantime, i have decided to start attending another local church that has been concise in it's doctrine and authentic in the Holiness of God. For example... YES it's true that God loves you [john 3:16] and YES it's true that He loves you where you are... but don't you EVER think that He is at all okay with you staying that way. the 'feel-good' preachers like to make God out to be this ever-loving, non-damning God...

however.. the epiphany that i had this morning as i walked through the church doors, feeling like i haven't been proud of the way I've been living my life lately... i felt guilty! i felt like a sinner not worthy of the presence of my God, i felt dirty, i felt convicted and humiliated... AND I SHOULD. where did we ever get the idea to use Jesus Christ as a "free-for-all" sin pass???? HOW DARE US!

Day after day and night after night they keep on saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God, Almighty--the one who always was, who is, and who is still to come." Rev. 4:8

our God is HOLY. absolutely. He is UNABLE of being in the presence of sin... so unless every sin is confessed by the heart authentically.. you are UNWORTHY of the presence of our God. not exactly the feel-good gospel eh??

we should be groveling at the feet of our Lord, face down on the ground, crying out for forgiveness of our sins that we commit that put a gap between us and God... yet we go to church sunday morning, maybe partake in a midweek service or small group and for all the other days... live at home, at work, out with friends as we see fit - without conviction, bc we know our Jesus has paid the price for our deserved damnation... and we like the feeling of being taken care of. makes me sick.

how do we repay Christ for what He did? we can't. but the least we can do is live for the One who died for us. i have often heard the story of the rich man coming to Jesus inquiring about following Him, only to hear that he would have to sell or give away all of his possessions in order to follow Him...

When Jesus heard his answer, he said, "There is still one thing you haven't done. Sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Luke 18:22

this has been preached on many of times with an ending statement of "well of course, Jesus isn't literally asking us to sell all of our possessions... He is referring to... He is meaning... He is making a point that..."  - really? what if we take Him at His word... that He really did mean what He said? would you follow Him?

i have made a commitment. a commitment to go wherever i must go, to sell whatever i must sell, to be whatever i must be in order to bring others to Christ. once you have made that decision... the peace you feel is inevitable and completely satisfying [not to the flesh - but to the soul]. to the flesh it feels like thousands of heart breaks... realizing that the dream you had [being a CNM in the USA] isn't what Christ has in store... giving up the potential of a 6-figure/yr income... to knowing that God will likely lead you to a remote nation, with unreached people, where you are entitled to $0/yr as you risk your life to spread the good news.

And then he told them, "Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone. Mark 16:15

i don't know about you... but i want Christ to come so that all the believers may live with Him for all eternity in Paradise. and the bible makes it clear that He will not come until ALL have had the chance to hear His name.

"And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come" (Matthew 24:14).

what is our calling... what is your calling?

                                                              
                              .S.U.R.R.E.N.D.E.R.

when love is wrong

'for I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'they are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope. in those days when you pray, I will listen. if you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me.' jeremiah 29:11-13

through God's word, we know that there is one who hears your heart breaking, there is one who tastes each tear, there is one who feels the empty sorrow, the one who will carry you through this...

[dating couples]
for some... a love lost is a lesson learned, a new beginning to an end, kind of a bitter/sweet happening - but to others a love lost is a dagger through the heart, a whole list of thoughts beginning with 'what if i had...'. and no doubt, each and every one of us has dealt with a broken heart both ways [natural tendency is to go through the latter in hopes of ending up like the former].

i am here to tell you that for each soul, there is a perfect fit [Lord willing]. a relationship should not be hard, it shouldn't be forced, it should feel natural and you should fall into your role seamlessly [as assigned by God in ephesians 5 - where women are called to be respectful of their husbands, as husbands are to love their wives].

tommy nelson [song of solomon study of sex, love, marriage and courtship] points out that a man should look at his wife with tender eyes, he should want to do nothing but protect her and he should instinctively treat her with love and want to call her names such as 'baby', 'sweetie', 'honey'... [what do you call a woman with a pterodactyl's soul?] and as a woman in the relationship, you should feel safe, submissive, and lead by her husband, ultimately showing respect for him. if you are in a relationship and can't see this as how your future may play out... you may want to rethink your commitment.

cody and i were talking about this and i pointed out how he is the only person i have been with who i actually hold reverence for. in past relationships i had always ended up assuming the 'mom' role [how else do you handle a boyfriend who is acting like a child]. and though i stuck with these relationships [going against what i felt to be right], i was willing to play this role forever [and i mean... forever as in for life, bound in marriage] it absolutely scares me just thinking that i could have been so easily swept off the course God has for me. walking down the isle to one of these men would have been physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally devastating. [now, don't get me wrong... I'm sure God has a perfect fit for each of my exes... but it IS NOT ME].






if you know me at all... you would know that I'm not competitive, that I'm a little quite, shy easily, love to laugh, would prefer a night in over a night out, I'm an intent-ful listener with a missionary's heart... but if you had met me while i was in any of my past relationships, you may think i was maybe a little bossy, possibly stressed, easily frustrated, unhappy, tired...

THIS IS WHY... what i have learned since hanging out with cody and just 'falling into' this role that God has created me for, i realize that the person who came out when i was tied to these wrong relationships was an overly exhausted version of my true self. when you feel as though you don't know who you are looking at in the mirror anymore.. GET OUT! you are manipulating yourself into something that will ultimately lead you down a path of unhappiness and unfulfillment [<- don't think that's a word, but it should be!].

in 1 corinthians 13, paul describes love as such:

patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, it isn't self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrong [forgives], rejoices in the truth [no lies/secrets], it never gives up, never loses faith, is hopeful, and endures everything.

if this doesn't sound like the 'love' you are in... please please PLEASE look long and hard into yourself and pray for God's wisdom and guidance in the matter. your future shouldn't be something you gamble with. ask for His strength. He has a plan specifically for you...

dating couple resources:

Order Song of Solomon - DVD Series

[married couples]
for those of you who are in a marriage relationship where you feel 'stuck', never cease praying that God give you the courage, strength, patience, wisdom and peace for your relationship. if you are both Christians, i would recommend daily [or weekly] devotions... time in His word will bring you closer to Him and closer as a couple.

if you are a believer and your spouse isn't... [1st i'd like to commend you, how absolutely draining that must be at times] but i'd like to challenge you to continually dwell on how your actions affect your spouse and/or children. is what you say and do reflective of the Holy Spirit that lives within you or are you easily dragged down by the company of your household? this is a very wide rut you can easily fall into... pray for guidance in this.

"But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NIV)

married couple resources:

Order Fireproof                                               Order Love Dare

                                            Order Love and Respect


love you.

letter to me

'if i knew then, what i know now...' how many times has this empty thought crossed your mind?? obviously we can't go back in time... we must live with choices, scars and memories that may not necessarily rank in the 'top 10' best times of our lives.. but with each of them... you learn and grow [hopefully].

nevertheless, i was thinking the other day of what this older/wiser me would tell the younger, more naive version of myself - this is what i came up with:

dear alicia,

God is real. there are many people you will meet in life and many circumstances you will face that will likely point you to thinking that there isn't or couldn't be a Heavenly Father that cares so deeply for you... but the good news - there is. [john 3:16]

high school is no where near the 'best 4 years of your life'. please please please be a bit more discerning in the people you choose to spend your time with. [1 corinthians 15:33]

serving God through serving others is your calling. ever wonder why you get so frustrated when your mind is all about 'me'?? the reason is because God didn't create you to be a 'me' centered person... you are too full of love - it needs to be shared.

spend as much time as you can with gram and gramps... they leave this earth way too early.

tell mom, dad & mar that you love them every chance you get... they see you through all your rough patches. pray for them. 

you will be pushed [and motivated] to attain your self-appointed goals. you will reach most all of them, but never get caught up with thinking that it is YOU who accomplished these things... it's GOD who blessed you with the opportunity and the talent to accomplish them.

everything in this life is for GOD'S GLORY. if what you are doing doesn't honor Him... that's not what you are to be doing. [1 corinthians 10:31]

try to not worry too much about tomorrow. you will spend your college years worrying about your GPA, your admissions to post-grad schools, your 'career path' as it pertains to attaining your doctorate in nursing practice to become a certified nurse midwife... well... those are all good things to keep in mind, but you will soon realize that this goal was also self-appointed. think deeper... what is God's plan for your life?

have you realized yet, that you think a lot about missionary work? if not, you will... you eventually learn that this is what you are to do.. i can't tell you too much about it [don't want to spoil any surprises]... but all i can say... is TRUST HIM. that's all you need to do, He'll do the rest. [exodus 9:14-16]

in love, you will lose, but in the end.. you will learn - and love again. your first love will be an absolute heartbreak. don't lose yourself. you'll make it through. [the boys that leave always contact you in the future when they realize what they've done... and this 1st love of yours.. he hangs on for over 10 years for you!! - but you realize that it all happened for a reason, stay wise and remember... you don't want to backtrack]. 

there's a point when you think that you may have been cut out to do this 'on your own'..  and this is when you are showered with more blessings from the Lord than you could have ever imagined... [his name... cody]. you will meet him about 3 years before it's your time to be in a relationship with him, so when you meet him at first, learn a little from him, talk with him - and be patient.. its not your time with him... yet ;) [1 corinthians 13:4-8a]

brace yourself... i know you hate it there, but... you move to central illinois [i said.. brace yourself]. it's not as bad as you think. its where you are supposed to be for the time that you are there. you meet some great people, get to spend time with the family that you weren't around growing up.. and this is where you will do nursing school, get your 1st RN position and start planning for your future [which, ironically... won't be in illinois.. still waiting to hear from God on this one].

never lose your kindness, humility, gentleness, faith, and love for Christ... you need all of this if you want to be a living sacrifice and a walking testimony of what God has done for you and the joy you have found.. through Him. [1 corinthians 13:13]

love,

alicia

there could never be a more beautiful you

its appalling at times [most of the time] having to wade through this life trying to live up to this impossibly attainable level of outward beauty that society has in place for us. this outward appearance that is so unbelievably small when assessed in the big picture.

I [being an avid Victoria's secret shopper] received the semi annual sale magazine the other day in the mail.. as I flipped through the pages to find my long sought after Pink sweatshirt.. I couldn't help but look at these girls' bodies... I remember getting my phone and texting Cody, 'after looking at this magazine, I feel like I need breast implants and liposuction!' -disturbing- but this is what the younger generations have to look up to? this is what we are teaching the naive minds of today that is beautiful...

when on Facebook the other day I came across someone's post that shared this image of a size 12 model embracing a regular sized supermodel. I commend these two models for putting themselves out there for controversial criticism.. but a point was made. we have gone too far in promoting this sickly looking body image. and, frankly, what is the up side of being that thin? it is detrimental to your overall health, not to mention your reproductive health.. and it's just not cute. right? if I were a guy, I would much rather be attracted to the size 12 woman in this picture. you?

according to 'lifebliss solutions' here are 6 ways to gorgeousness...

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.  This includes false corporate media images, how you were 20 years ago, or other women you know.  Just stop.  You are you and that’s that.
2. Refrain from criticizing other women. You may not even realize that sometimes we do this out of sheer habit, sometimes out of jealousy of something else that woman has, or even vicariously self-hating.
3. When you walk outside or into a room imagine that you are what you consider to be drop-dead gorgeous.  No, you may not believe it (yet) but just go with it and trust me, your confidence level will skyrocket.  Hold your head up, don’t hunch, make eye contact, and smile.
4. Release your diet obsession. Try not to allow guilt and regret ruin a fantastic food experience.  If you’ve had too much of a good thing forget about it.  Next time just consciously decide what and how much you want to put into your body beforehand.
5. I’m not gonna tell you to do something corny like stand in the mirror naked and admire your parts.  I will tell you to just try to be conscious of the negative dialogue with yourself when you see your reflection.  It would be ideal if you could begin to shut down that hurtful self talk and just be neutral.  If you don’t have anything nice to think about your parts, then don’t think about them.  Is it really necessary to impose a negative or positive judgement to every single thing?  Do you have that much time on your hands?
6. Look for beauty all around you.  Notice when other women look attractive and don’t be afraid to comment. Complimenting others has a strange but positive effect on how you feel about yourself.  Try it once a day and see what happens. read more here

REAL BEAUTY. honestly, women [and men], listen up... if you are authentic in your ways, transparent in your words, and have a level of integrity not surpassed by the majority of humanoids.. then YOU ARE GORGEOUS, whether or not you think your mirror tells you this is of minute relevance. hold tight to your inner beauty and it's bound to shine through. there is nothing more captivating than someone who is comfortable in their own skin.. confidence is sexy, and it comes from within. love yourself by loving others. this... my dear friends, is beautiful.