psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength,a very present help in trouble. [psalm 46:1]

for whatever reason, God has deemed this season of my marriage as a growing one. and through the encouragment i have in close, godly frienships/mentorships, i am learning where to find purpose and strength through times of heartache and mis-steps. [i must pause here and state that i am immensely thankful for the community God has so graciously provided cody and i!]

in the christian life, a time of trial is bitter-sweet (biblically more sweet than bitter), as christians we know that God utilizes the struggles in our lives to point out and refine areas of weakness/lack of faith - we call this 'sanctification'. we know that being broken reminds us of our need for a Savior, that being humbled makes us more like Christ. and yet, at times, i can't help but want to unleash the human in me and go back in time to punch eve in the face for tasting that forbidden fruit. sigh.

most recently, i've found that an urgency to read and meditate on the Word comes all too often between the hours of 1am and 2am. [how i am going to manage this when i start working dayshift next week is beyond me] ;) i don't know what it is about curling up on the couch in the dead of night, most assuredly with tears in my eyes, a heavy heart, an open bible, a pen and paper nearby -that just satisfies the soul!

as i read the journal entries and prayers i've written in the last few days, it's clear that my heart is troubled. it's clear that the miscommunication, misinformation, mis-steps and mis-haps have taken their toll on me. it's clear that i'm stressed and anxious to the max. therefore, it's clear... that i'm not right with God - i'm not trusting His sovereignty.

trials and marriage. wow. i wish i could be an open book for all to see the shortcomings in cody and i, however, i believe, in respect of our marriage, and for both of our sakes - i ought not to air our dirty laundry. however, i will say this... perserverance has a new meaning to us. it's one thing to stand up on your wedding day with all the hopes and dreams in the world for your new life, and mutter the words 'for better or for worse' and not completely comprehend the weight of that covenant - it's another to feel crushed, broken, tramlped on... and still have the love to want to serve the one who has just thrown your heart, chained to a cinder block, into the deep. it is all too easy, when you feel wronged, to have the attitude of retaliation. however, Christ didn't take this same outlook. instead, Christ died and served those who hated him.

now, now, now... before you go judging the man i call husband [or myself, for that matter] - i want to be clear... cody is an amazing husband! he is one of the most God-fearing men i know! he models for me what it means to be patient and is an excellent communicator and hard worker. he has the drive to provide for our small family - and he does so sucessfully. the only thing i can really complain about with him... is that he's human. and so am i. oh, yes... and so are you. ;)

in times and seasons such as these, how does the application of psalm 46:1 play out? let me show you.. when you are helpless, seek Him - when you are troubled, seek Him - when you are hurt, seek Him - when you feel betrayed, seek Him - when you are weak, seek Him - and when you are hopeful, joyful, whole and strong... seek Him. PRAY PRAY PRAY beloved. pray.