when love is wrong

'for I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'they are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope. in those days when you pray, I will listen. if you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me.' jeremiah 29:11-13

through God's word, we know that there is one who hears your heart breaking, there is one who tastes each tear, there is one who feels the empty sorrow, the one who will carry you through this...

[dating couples]
for some... a love lost is a lesson learned, a new beginning to an end, kind of a bitter/sweet happening - but to others a love lost is a dagger through the heart, a whole list of thoughts beginning with 'what if i had...'. and no doubt, each and every one of us has dealt with a broken heart both ways [natural tendency is to go through the latter in hopes of ending up like the former].

i am here to tell you that for each soul, there is a perfect fit [Lord willing]. a relationship should not be hard, it shouldn't be forced, it should feel natural and you should fall into your role seamlessly [as assigned by God in ephesians 5 - where women are called to be respectful of their husbands, as husbands are to love their wives].

tommy nelson [song of solomon study of sex, love, marriage and courtship] points out that a man should look at his wife with tender eyes, he should want to do nothing but protect her and he should instinctively treat her with love and want to call her names such as 'baby', 'sweetie', 'honey'... [what do you call a woman with a pterodactyl's soul?] and as a woman in the relationship, you should feel safe, submissive, and lead by her husband, ultimately showing respect for him. if you are in a relationship and can't see this as how your future may play out... you may want to rethink your commitment.

cody and i were talking about this and i pointed out how he is the only person i have been with who i actually hold reverence for. in past relationships i had always ended up assuming the 'mom' role [how else do you handle a boyfriend who is acting like a child]. and though i stuck with these relationships [going against what i felt to be right], i was willing to play this role forever [and i mean... forever as in for life, bound in marriage] it absolutely scares me just thinking that i could have been so easily swept off the course God has for me. walking down the isle to one of these men would have been physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally devastating. [now, don't get me wrong... I'm sure God has a perfect fit for each of my exes... but it IS NOT ME].






if you know me at all... you would know that I'm not competitive, that I'm a little quite, shy easily, love to laugh, would prefer a night in over a night out, I'm an intent-ful listener with a missionary's heart... but if you had met me while i was in any of my past relationships, you may think i was maybe a little bossy, possibly stressed, easily frustrated, unhappy, tired...

THIS IS WHY... what i have learned since hanging out with cody and just 'falling into' this role that God has created me for, i realize that the person who came out when i was tied to these wrong relationships was an overly exhausted version of my true self. when you feel as though you don't know who you are looking at in the mirror anymore.. GET OUT! you are manipulating yourself into something that will ultimately lead you down a path of unhappiness and unfulfillment [<- don't think that's a word, but it should be!].

in 1 corinthians 13, paul describes love as such:

patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, it isn't self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrong [forgives], rejoices in the truth [no lies/secrets], it never gives up, never loses faith, is hopeful, and endures everything.

if this doesn't sound like the 'love' you are in... please please PLEASE look long and hard into yourself and pray for God's wisdom and guidance in the matter. your future shouldn't be something you gamble with. ask for His strength. He has a plan specifically for you...

dating couple resources:

Order Song of Solomon - DVD Series

[married couples]
for those of you who are in a marriage relationship where you feel 'stuck', never cease praying that God give you the courage, strength, patience, wisdom and peace for your relationship. if you are both Christians, i would recommend daily [or weekly] devotions... time in His word will bring you closer to Him and closer as a couple.

if you are a believer and your spouse isn't... [1st i'd like to commend you, how absolutely draining that must be at times] but i'd like to challenge you to continually dwell on how your actions affect your spouse and/or children. is what you say and do reflective of the Holy Spirit that lives within you or are you easily dragged down by the company of your household? this is a very wide rut you can easily fall into... pray for guidance in this.

"But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NIV)

married couple resources:

Order Fireproof                                               Order Love Dare

                                            Order Love and Respect


love you.

letter to me

'if i knew then, what i know now...' how many times has this empty thought crossed your mind?? obviously we can't go back in time... we must live with choices, scars and memories that may not necessarily rank in the 'top 10' best times of our lives.. but with each of them... you learn and grow [hopefully].

nevertheless, i was thinking the other day of what this older/wiser me would tell the younger, more naive version of myself - this is what i came up with:

dear alicia,

God is real. there are many people you will meet in life and many circumstances you will face that will likely point you to thinking that there isn't or couldn't be a Heavenly Father that cares so deeply for you... but the good news - there is. [john 3:16]

high school is no where near the 'best 4 years of your life'. please please please be a bit more discerning in the people you choose to spend your time with. [1 corinthians 15:33]

serving God through serving others is your calling. ever wonder why you get so frustrated when your mind is all about 'me'?? the reason is because God didn't create you to be a 'me' centered person... you are too full of love - it needs to be shared.

spend as much time as you can with gram and gramps... they leave this earth way too early.

tell mom, dad & mar that you love them every chance you get... they see you through all your rough patches. pray for them. 

you will be pushed [and motivated] to attain your self-appointed goals. you will reach most all of them, but never get caught up with thinking that it is YOU who accomplished these things... it's GOD who blessed you with the opportunity and the talent to accomplish them.

everything in this life is for GOD'S GLORY. if what you are doing doesn't honor Him... that's not what you are to be doing. [1 corinthians 10:31]

try to not worry too much about tomorrow. you will spend your college years worrying about your GPA, your admissions to post-grad schools, your 'career path' as it pertains to attaining your doctorate in nursing practice to become a certified nurse midwife... well... those are all good things to keep in mind, but you will soon realize that this goal was also self-appointed. think deeper... what is God's plan for your life?

have you realized yet, that you think a lot about missionary work? if not, you will... you eventually learn that this is what you are to do.. i can't tell you too much about it [don't want to spoil any surprises]... but all i can say... is TRUST HIM. that's all you need to do, He'll do the rest. [exodus 9:14-16]

in love, you will lose, but in the end.. you will learn - and love again. your first love will be an absolute heartbreak. don't lose yourself. you'll make it through. [the boys that leave always contact you in the future when they realize what they've done... and this 1st love of yours.. he hangs on for over 10 years for you!! - but you realize that it all happened for a reason, stay wise and remember... you don't want to backtrack]. 

there's a point when you think that you may have been cut out to do this 'on your own'..  and this is when you are showered with more blessings from the Lord than you could have ever imagined... [his name... cody]. you will meet him about 3 years before it's your time to be in a relationship with him, so when you meet him at first, learn a little from him, talk with him - and be patient.. its not your time with him... yet ;) [1 corinthians 13:4-8a]

brace yourself... i know you hate it there, but... you move to central illinois [i said.. brace yourself]. it's not as bad as you think. its where you are supposed to be for the time that you are there. you meet some great people, get to spend time with the family that you weren't around growing up.. and this is where you will do nursing school, get your 1st RN position and start planning for your future [which, ironically... won't be in illinois.. still waiting to hear from God on this one].

never lose your kindness, humility, gentleness, faith, and love for Christ... you need all of this if you want to be a living sacrifice and a walking testimony of what God has done for you and the joy you have found.. through Him. [1 corinthians 13:13]

love,

alicia

there could never be a more beautiful you

its appalling at times [most of the time] having to wade through this life trying to live up to this impossibly attainable level of outward beauty that society has in place for us. this outward appearance that is so unbelievably small when assessed in the big picture.

I [being an avid Victoria's secret shopper] received the semi annual sale magazine the other day in the mail.. as I flipped through the pages to find my long sought after Pink sweatshirt.. I couldn't help but look at these girls' bodies... I remember getting my phone and texting Cody, 'after looking at this magazine, I feel like I need breast implants and liposuction!' -disturbing- but this is what the younger generations have to look up to? this is what we are teaching the naive minds of today that is beautiful...

when on Facebook the other day I came across someone's post that shared this image of a size 12 model embracing a regular sized supermodel. I commend these two models for putting themselves out there for controversial criticism.. but a point was made. we have gone too far in promoting this sickly looking body image. and, frankly, what is the up side of being that thin? it is detrimental to your overall health, not to mention your reproductive health.. and it's just not cute. right? if I were a guy, I would much rather be attracted to the size 12 woman in this picture. you?

according to 'lifebliss solutions' here are 6 ways to gorgeousness...

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.  This includes false corporate media images, how you were 20 years ago, or other women you know.  Just stop.  You are you and that’s that.
2. Refrain from criticizing other women. You may not even realize that sometimes we do this out of sheer habit, sometimes out of jealousy of something else that woman has, or even vicariously self-hating.
3. When you walk outside or into a room imagine that you are what you consider to be drop-dead gorgeous.  No, you may not believe it (yet) but just go with it and trust me, your confidence level will skyrocket.  Hold your head up, don’t hunch, make eye contact, and smile.
4. Release your diet obsession. Try not to allow guilt and regret ruin a fantastic food experience.  If you’ve had too much of a good thing forget about it.  Next time just consciously decide what and how much you want to put into your body beforehand.
5. I’m not gonna tell you to do something corny like stand in the mirror naked and admire your parts.  I will tell you to just try to be conscious of the negative dialogue with yourself when you see your reflection.  It would be ideal if you could begin to shut down that hurtful self talk and just be neutral.  If you don’t have anything nice to think about your parts, then don’t think about them.  Is it really necessary to impose a negative or positive judgement to every single thing?  Do you have that much time on your hands?
6. Look for beauty all around you.  Notice when other women look attractive and don’t be afraid to comment. Complimenting others has a strange but positive effect on how you feel about yourself.  Try it once a day and see what happens. read more here

REAL BEAUTY. honestly, women [and men], listen up... if you are authentic in your ways, transparent in your words, and have a level of integrity not surpassed by the majority of humanoids.. then YOU ARE GORGEOUS, whether or not you think your mirror tells you this is of minute relevance. hold tight to your inner beauty and it's bound to shine through. there is nothing more captivating than someone who is comfortable in their own skin.. confidence is sexy, and it comes from within. love yourself by loving others. this... my dear friends, is beautiful.