waiting on God

For God alone, 

O my soul, wait in silence,


for my hope is from him.


psalm 62:5 (ESV)

As many of you know, Cody and I moved to Sweet Home Alabama just over 2 years ago to become a part of a local church body in order to be better equipped for mission work (most likely overseas). 

In our minds, by this time, we would be much closer to that end than we seemingly are. This can be frustrating... and is at times. 

As with anything (i.e. a new job, a new relationship, a marriage...) our expectations and presumptions are often misleading and delusive; as we persevere on with our new endeavor, we begin to see that there are ebbs and flows in the maintenance of our progress of moving towards the goal.

What I have observed in my own life with these areas of discontentment (let's just call it what it is), is that the persistent pursuing and seeking of God through his word gives hope and allows for immense growth... while I wait. 

Currently, Cody and I are in an apartment that we love as it is about 60% Indian and 2 of our dearest friends live just a short walk away. And just across the hall, God has given us the opportunity to pour into a family from Andhra Pradesh. The Matron of the family often comes over and shares a few laughs with Cody and I - literally, just laughs, as she doesn't know English and we don't know Kannada - but it is such a blessing! Our first meeting consisted of her reaching out and holding onto my cross necklace as she reached for her necklace to show me the cross (crucifix really) in the mix of all the other "gods" she had been proudly wearing. By this, I knew, she was a practicing Hindu. It's almost everyday that we have some sort of interaction and I am waiting on the day that I can share the gospel with her - but as of now, all I can do is show love. God IS love. 

We have grown to love the community at the apartments - and this is only an act of God! 

At the end of November, we are looking at a BIG change. There are 2 options on the horizon and Cody and I are prayerfully seeking God's guidance in the revealing of his will in it. 

Option 1 is for Cody and I to serve as the "house hosts" for a community house that currently houses 3 men. Once we move in, Lord willing, we would be able to take in women as well. The house's main purpose is to serve missionaries with meals/rest while they are in the States on furlough as well as living in community with the other long-term house mates. 

Option 2 is for Cody and I to move about 2 hours north onto 20 acres with a goat farm for our community's not-for-profit. It would require an obvious change in our current occupations including the sustainable and successful running of a goat farm to produce income for us and the not-for-profit. 

Knowing that 1 of the 2 possible options listed here WILL become a reality in the near future, (Lord willing) makes me excited, yet nervous as the time draws nearer and the lens isn't any clearer. This is when I have to lean on God's timing. 

So lean I must.

love hurts.

love, ooey-gooey love. - welp let's nip this in the bud real quick... that's not what we're talking about here - so go put your mystery-centered chocolate candies back on the kitchen table and plop a seat in your most comfy 'thinking chair' with your bible close by.

in the midst of this anxiety-ridden, cornucopia called life, it's beyond necessary to be made aware of the world around us [im talking globally]. too often we get caught up in the tedious tasks and distractions of daily living; making the big picture become nothing but a blur in the background somewhere. the struggles of our neighbors aren't our reality unless they become tangible to us.

it blows my mind, the problem is either we throw around the word 'love' all too often [like every other platitude being tossed around like it's candy thrown from a passing parade], or it's never said and hardly shown.

sigh

personally, this is something that i try hard to encapsulate in the depths of my soul..

take this command: 

romans 12:15 - 'rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep'. 

this just seems humane. almost as if it should be the norm. it's deceptive in it's simplicity, making us think it's almost instinctual. I would say that the majority of humanity (at least in the western hemisphere) has such a difficult time relating to others in such a way - that the burden and/or joy is shared between those whom are aware of it. 

all too often, it's quite the opposite, if i buy a new house, you are more probable to slander my name in pure envy than you are to congratulate me - or if i fail at passing boards, you lean more towards your desire to poke fun behind my back. this sickens me.

my prayer for all, is that we become compassionate to the wants, needs, desires, joys, pains, dreams... of others - that we not become complacent when we run into 'the whiner' as they cry wolf for the umpteenth time, or that we allow ourselves to shed a marvelous tear for someone breaking free of a struggle, or celebrating a lifetime milestone... [where have we been, loving people]

LOVE HURTS                                                                    

Love hurts. have you heard this before? maybe from an old, disgruntled single parent? or a bachelor who has sworn off relationships? may i propose, however, that this is not just an elementary statement made by a juvinile minds.

Love DOES hurt, but here's how:

john 3:16 "for God so LOVED the world that He gave His ONLY SON [to be murdered for you] that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but has everlasting life"

ouch. yea.. love hurts.

why does love hurt? becasue it's a SACRIFICE of all you have and all you are for someone who may not reciprocate.

1 john 3:16 "by this we know love,  that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

to pray for

In my reading of Matthew 5 tonight, I was captivated by characteristics of those whom God blesses. It's my hearts desire to be someone who glorifies God by who I am. So journey with me into the verses in the beginning of the chapter which highlight these traits:

poor in spirit
meek
humble
hunger and thirst for righteousness
merciful
pure in heart
peacemakers
persecuted for righteousness sake

he blesses you when people mock you, persecute you and lie about you for his name's sake.

grief. I can't tell you enough how NOT OFTEN I pray for these.

Well, maybe I do - on occasion. I can certainly remember a time or two praying for humility as well as a pure heart. I often do pray for a growing desire to want to know my Father better, but ask me how many times I've sincerely asked to be poor in Spirit! Not once.

God please mold me into someone who wholeheartedly seeks to become more like you - you blow my mind away by the things you say and what you've pointed out to me in this chapter. May I become all that blesses and glorifies you.

Another a-mazing tidbit that God so graciously revealed to me tonight in my reading was that Jesus came NOT to abolish/get rid of the law of Moses.

I have to brace myself for walking on eggshells here, but I so often fall into the safety net of believing that as Christ being the new covenant, that the old covenant is dead. gone. never existed. Whereas Christ says he didn't come to rid us of the law, but to accomplish it's purpose.

For example, the law says do not commit adultery but Christ says if you even lust over someone, you have committed adultery in your heart. Him coming, is not to make the law irrelevant, it's to point us to become more like Him in his fulfillment of the law. If our hearts are set on Christ, we, too, can reach for a righteous goal that we may not lust after, become angry at, judge, or curse someone.

We are FREED from being under the law and all of it's demands. It's Christ in us that allows us to fully abide in the law as we are meant to, because it's evident that we just can't muster up the will on our own!

Cheers!

social sensation

if you're one of the handful of people -and i'm being generous here- who follow my instagram account [alibartelmay - shameless plug] then you've probably caught on to what a craft nerd i am. my days off usually consist of a mixture of vegging out and crafting. my husband would refer to me as a productivity-holic.

in all honesty, my first go-to for 'off-day fun' is cleaning house, but when i get all lysoled-out [which is anywhere between 10-15 min after 'go-time'], i then resort to wreath-making, crocheting, painting, wood-transferring, sewing, blanket-making, candle-making, vinyl pressing, furniture re-upholstering... and baking (that's a craft too.. right?). and i place total and complete blame on pinterest [can i get an 'amen!']. okay, so maybe not complete blame, but 97.3% nonetheless.

with one look at pinterest, there's really no mystery as to how it has the ability to suck us in [for hours upon hours at times.. or is that just me? surely not] as women, our minds are going 1,763 miles a minute and we are constantly entertaining the thought of meals, home-improvements, crafts, clothing...etc. so to be able to go to one site and be bombarded by an endless page of all the above.. it seems like the perfect time suck [and you don't have to feel guilty because you're being productive...  right?]- i must admit, it's kind of hypnotizing. [sitting, starring at screen, mouth open, possible drool accumulating, when's the last time you blinked?] sound familiar? yea.. not to me either :x

with all this said, if you are anything like me, you have a love/hate relationship with most social media sites. don't get me wrong, i love love LOVE the morgasport of new ideas i get on sites like pinterest, or staying in touch with far-away friends and family via Facebook. however, i think it's safe to say that it all comes with a cost. and most of the time, jealousy/envy, resentment, slander and boastfulness rule the roost.

truthfully, where my love/hate relationship comes to a climax with social media sites is when i step back and look at how many of us have bought, made, or changed something about ourselves, our jobs, our food or how we live due to what we have seen on our news-feeds. i know i have! and i don't like that. not one bit. i want to live in a way that enables me to be me (freely) and to glorify Christ wholly.

i don't want to take what this fleeting culture has to say about my hair, my weight, my home, my relationships, my makeup, my meals... to heart and overlook the blessings i so abundantly have already. I want to look at all these aspects of my life through the lens of Christ and change only that which would bring me closer to a likeness of Him.

selah

According to multiple, totally credible (I'm sure) internet resources, the Hebrew word Selah (סֶלָה) is often used in the Bible in places that call you to "break" or "pause" and "ponder" on the preceding verse(s).

It's a word that has been on my heart now for a few years - and not just because I think it would be a darling baby girl name someday Selah Rae Bartelmay (nice little ring to it..eh?), but because I'm AWFUL at it. Resting/pausing that is.

For some reason - for me (let's just go ahead and blame the xx genes I have) - pausing, meditating, slowing down is an absolute discipline. One that I'm not good at. At all. Like ever. Never ever.

Not only am I a woman, but I am a full time Nurse (my middle name is "multi-tasker"), run a thriving eCommerce business out of my home (insert 2nd full time job) and try to balance the workload with social time with friends, small groups, prayer groups, and inner city volunteering... every week. God only knows what I'll do if I ever have children!

In a culture where it is encouraged to be caffeine-ridden, highly stimulated and ever-so entrepreneurial (as supported in an article titled "10 Ways to Become the Most Productive Person Around" found here), it is rather counter-intuitive to PAUSE, though we are called to.

“Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.                     Mark 6:31

"..they had no leisure even to eat"... this sounds like a bad day at work to me.


It used to be ("used to be" as in yesterday) that I would have many things on my mind and my hand in an exuberant number of duties that it would literally take every ounce of will power for me to stop. sit down. pause. And  to do it without looking at the clock, accomplishing things in my mind, or strategically coordinating each move to be as "efficient" as possible. And if/when I fail at this sorry attempt to slow down, I catch myself deceivingly believing that I've succeeded at a "time of relaxation" (ya know, because I wasn't doing anything "productive"), yet I had robbed myself of true rest.

It didn't take me long to realize that this way of thinking/living/working overflowed into other areas of my life, like sleeping (it can take my mind anywhere from 30 min-1 hr of laying down at night before it starts slowing - and NO I don't drink caffeine in the evenings, and I don't look at my phone in bed - I actually try to read in order to get my mind to S-T-O-P.

Most importantly, though, it affected my time in prayer.

About a year ago I started on a Bible-reading plan in which I told myself that I would read every morning, and spend some time in prayer as well. For me, prayer can be intimidating. On a regular basis, I am in constant communication with God... I'll talk to him on and off throughout the day. This is refreshing to me, but tell me to have undistributed, very focused, non-distracted time in prayer, and I clam up! It's almost like I sit down and think now what?!

I would sit down and start praying, all the while, though my lips were uttering praises, my mind was thinking did I put the laundry away last night, what's that smell, did Cody forget the garbage this morning, what about the dishes... I turn into COMPLETE "Martha Mode" while at the feet of Jesus.

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”   Luke 10:38

After realizing this, the Spirit put a conviction on my heart that I was putting on the back-burner something that needed to be front and center. This demanded change.

Thankfully, God has grown me SO much in this area. I found out that, for me, when I get up in the morning, I need to get ready for the day, take the dogs out, clean any dishes in the sink, take clothes out of the washer/dryer (which in total only takes about 20 min), and THEN I can make my tea, sit down, pray, and read the Word without my mind running away from me.

It took a LOT of discipline in the beginning, then it became a habit... and now, it's an anticipated necessity.

ahhhh.... selah

..and if not, He is still good

is it just me... or has your prayer list seemingly doubled in the last month?

in times of uncertainty and trial - seek [and find] Him.

i am overwhelmed by the testing of saints going on around me. and then i am reminded [ever so gently] of just the beginning verse of God's response to job's questioning of his trials in chapter 38.

"who is this that obscures my plans    with words without knowledge?" job 38:2

and it brings me to the stark realization that the overwhelming anxiety, frustration, guilt, sadness, helplessness and fear that i have for these friends of mine comes not from God but from the hordes of hell. and they will not prevail - you can quote me on this.

i don't know if it's because i have this sense of peace and comfort when i think about God and the omniscient knowledge He has of what is good for us that keeps me sane or if it's my 'spiritual gift' of faith that is bursting through the seems of my self.. but all i know is that i can utilize this truth and be an encouragement to my dear friends.

i wish, oh i wish, the trials that i am watching my friends/former friends walk through were those of seasonal peaks and valleys [a car that got totaled, a job that was lost...]  - but that the diagnosis of cancer, lyme's disease (while pregnant), multiple sclerosis, drug addiction, gang rape and death weren't the reality of these friends.

may i be reminded, lest i worry - that most of these trials are in the lives of believers. and this encourages me.

"...by testing you may discern what is the will of God..." romans 12:2

but for those few who's fruit does not suggest a life entrusted to Christ - pray. pray that these trials are ways that God is unveiling their eyes to the truth of His love, His sovereignty and His peace.

when all else fails

when you have a day off and you realize...

• the family finances haven't been looked at  - since last year. [give me a break.. we're only 6 days in]
• the bills need paid.. and the internet only works while you are sitting on the couch by the window. so much for my 'office'

• the laundry is probably moldy because you forgot to put the clothes in the dryer last night before bed.
• the random 'spur of the moment' online purchases you just received...  need returned. what was i thinking?
• the dogs need fed and taken out - and the vet is sending 'we miss you' cards because they haven't been... in "a while" 
• the car needs an oil change - but doesn't have the gas to get there. 
• the blog you swore you would publish more entries on - hasn't been updated in 6 mos. 
• the etsy store you opened has a pile of new items that need uploaded [pile - more the likes of mt. everest than the resilient red ant hill outside] 
  
  
  
• the daily thyroid meds you're supposed to take - have been sitting at the pharmacy.. for 3 days
• the toothache you have may suggest a trip to the dentist - soon. 
• the house needs vacuumed - bad. i thought dogs aren't supposed to shed this much in winter?!
• the counters where the awesome, sweet, kind, loving, handsome hubby of mine cut up deer last night... were never wiped off - and the paper towels you open to clean it off with have some type of larvae on them.
  

surely my day isn't completely unlike yours?! *hats off to those who have kids! we'll add "keeping people alive" to your list. 

breathe. i remind myself that i am NOT ALLOWED to do anything without first spending some sweet time in the Word. this should be good, i'll get a hot drink to sip as I have my tea time with God. this, mind you, is my favorite time of the day. <3

the kettle is on. the water is poured. the tea, cardamom, cinnamon and pepper are steeping. a splash of milk and we are good to go... and we are OUT OF MILK.

plan B. coffee. easy. the hubster seriously wrote the saying 'all i need in the morning is Jesus and coffee'. pouring the coffee. heading to the fridge for the creamer. GONE. of course.

plan C. back to tea. the one i've let steep now for 8 minutes [should only steep for about 4 min for all you non-tea drinkers <- shame on you]. sip. cringe. yep - that'll send my heart into palpitating in no time. perfect.

we're going with it.

I find my seat - nestled in the corner section of the sectional. back resting against the fluffy pillows, feet kicked up, phone turned off [well, on vibrate - and laid on a surface that won't sound like an earthquake if someone texts]. breathe.  and i'm there. right where i need to be to enjoy the time in His presence.

but my mind - it's back up there... ya know, where all the things on the 'to do list' live.

for.the.love. 

God. i need you. i need your peace. i need your guidance. please help me not be so distracted by these things. help me be still!

and so it was - now that i'm writing and i'm faithful at keeping myself accountable [73% of the time], you ought to correctly assume that i have had my time in the Word this morning. hallelujah! and you know what... all that stuff above - it's just, ya know.. STUFF. i've given the burden and pressure of getting it all done today over to God.

well - i'm off to have lunch with a couple good friends... ya know, the IMPORTANT things in this life.

Have a stressed BLESSED day! Cheers!